I Just Couldn’t Take The Nagging
Yeah, I’m the guy - the first penguin to file for divorce. I know, I know, penguins stay together for life. Look, I’m sorry to screw up that perfect record but I just couldn’t take her nagging: “Don’t leave raw fish around the ice block.” “Why is there blubber in the codliver oil container?” Jeez! Who wants to hear that cackling twenty-four-seven for the rest of their life?
I proposed to her with an exquisite shiny pebble. It took FOUR MONTHS to find! (You try finding a nice-looking pebble on a ice flow.) She was grateful for about a week. Then it became, “How come I no longer get shiny pebbles?” “How come I’m always the one regurgitating fish for dinner?” I’ll tell you what the last straw was. I was on the glacier with the other fathers (you know the drill - keeping the egg warm while she heads back to the ocean to get food) and how long do you think she was gone? A month? Month and a half? Try 65 days! I don’t care how slow you waddle, it doesn’t take 2 months to get to the beach and back. I’m freezing my tail off in the katabatic winds and she’s out frolicking at the shore with the girls! A penguin can only take so much!
So go ahead and judge me for breaking penguin tradition. I don’t care. I just want out. And next winter, while you’re on the glacier wondering when your other half is coming back, think of me. I’ll be in Patagonia with a six pack of bait, checking out the scene. I’ll be free as a bird and living like a lion - procreating and moving on to the next one. That, my friends, is why lions are the kings.
Comments (9)
Slipper, did you ever think about your ex wife’s plot? shlepping miles and miles in the icy snow to risk her life and limb collecting fish for her beloved child who will leave her in a matter of weeks.give me a break, you misogonistic pig. sorry, no offense to real pigs.
Hey, Flippy, some of my best friends are pigs! I’m glad it’s FISH they’re collecting. Less of you guys.
I’m bait. Can I get a ride to Patagonia with you?
Live the law of the feline world “Bachlerhood”
What would a male penguin do if the female wanted a divorce?
“What would a male penguin do if the female wanted a divorce?” What Slipper here did: head to Patagonia with a six pack of bait and check out the scene. No different.
I’m with BigBoy, welcome to the luxurious life of bachelorhood, Slip.
Excuse me, Mr. Slipper Jackson, but what are “katabatic winds”? Is that penguin-speak?
I think the root of your problems has to do with the different way men and women perceive time. A female having a good time will think only a little time has elapsed, while the male waiting for her will think it’s a lot. This reminds me of when my ex-wife Belinda went for a fly with a male friend and didn’t return home for 3 days, claiming she’d only been gone for an hour.
Ashton,
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katabatic_wind