Animal Internet

First off, it’s a bad picture. I’m actually a horse.

Fishing season is just around the corner.  As a public service, Animal Internet has been gratuitous enough to allow me, a horse (again, I know I look like a fish but I’m really a horse) to share with you some fishing tips.

First, however, a word of warning - fish carry disease.  Dangerous diseases.  Ones that can kill you. (Unlike lobster and shrimp which I’ve heard are very tasty.)  If you’re willing to take this risk - this HUGE risk - than read on.

Tip 1 - Sprinkle fish food into the water
Premium fish food works best but any brand will do.  You want to whet the fishes’ appetites.  You want them to be hungry for that worm, don’t ya?  Give them a good 20 minutes before throwing in the first hook, just to be safe.

Tip 2 - Paint your hooks bright red
Who wants to eat a fish with a mouth that’s mangled from swallowing a hook the wrong way?  When fish see the bright hook they’ll plan ahead and bite down squarely, causing the minimum disfiguration.

Tip 3 - Keep throwing back the ones you catch
As counter-intuitive as it may seem, the more caught and thrown back, the more fish will gather to check out what all the commotion is about. 

An amateur might be tempted to scoop his net into the water at this point.  Don’t!  Patience is the key.  Wait until the very, very last minute before you have to return the boat. 

Of course, all this takes a faith.  But I’ve seen fisherman use these techniques and take home hundreds of fish in one afternoon.  This is THE way to fish.  Trust me.  Would a cow lie to you?