Animal Internet

Starting next year, a new tax law will redefine food given to animals by “non-employees” as tips.  Since tips are considered income we’ll now be required to declare this “income” on our federal tax returns.  This new law is bad for all animals in captivity but especially troublesome for those of us who work in the circus.

I’m lucky.  As an elephant I have a good memory and can recall what I was fed, by whom and when.  Most of my fellow performers however—the tigers and horses in particular—do not share this luxury.  (The horses can barely remember their names, let alone how many sugar cubes they were fed through the railing between shows.) Since most circus animals do not itemize deductions, they do not have the required accounting system in place to track this sort of thing.  This new law creates the large financial burden of having to hire outside accounting help.  And most reputable accountants do not work for peanuts.

The government claims there will be free tax assistance available but most IRS workers do not have the clearance to enter the cages of ferocious animals. Plus most circus tours visit a given town for only a few days.  What if an animal gets audited?  The ringmaster must choose between holding over the entire circus or leaving that animal behind and catch up days later?

Now let’s talk about the other elephant in the room: Hasn’t the government learned by now that raising taxes doesn’t work?  Taxpayers always find creative ways to hide their income.  Mark my words, if this law sticks, a year from now kids will no longer be allowed to feed the animals directly - they’ll be a big bucket or something that kids can toss peanuts into which will then be distributed to us by an employee.  Or animals will simply decide to forgo snacks by visitors altogether.  Having nothing to eat between shows, we will consume larger portions at mealtime causing the circus to have to raise ticket prices to make up for the additional food costs.  Kids can’t enjoy feeding us, peanut farmers sell less product and circuses make less profit.  In the end, nobody wins. 

The government needs to build roads.  No one is arguing that.  But at what cost?  What good is a road if parents can’t use it to take their kid to an affordable circus?