I Want an Udder Enhancement
After three calves and Farmer John tugging away at my mammories for years, my udder has had it. It looks old, droopy, disgusting! I want an udder enhancement.
Five years ago these perky things where the talk of the barn. Every bull I passed would mutter some comment like, ‘I’d like to milk you’ or ‘I’d fight every matador in Mexico to get a piece of your tail.’ Sure, it was derogatory but I liked it. It made me feel appreciated. Nowadays I can’t even get a bull to look up from the brown grass he’s eating. I’ll wave my tail from side to side seductively, ring my bell, maybe even let out a slow ‘mmoooooo.’ Nothing! Like I didn’t even exist.
As far as I know there hasn’t been a surgeon who’s done a ‘pick me up’ on udders yet. I don’t know if it will even work but I’m willing to take the risk. I’ll be the cow guinea pig.
By the way, what’s your opinion on this? After years of feeling me up, I think Farmer John should pay for part of the operation.
Comments (2)
Marge, remember the ’60s? If it feels good, do it? Well, you go girlfriend. Stand up for yourself and do what is going to make you feel good about yourself. Remember any snyde remarks from your herd-mates comes from jealousy and envy. Ignore them and make that appointment today. Farmer John should pay for all of it. He’s the one who has profited from your sacrifice. Send pics of the new improved you after the swelling has gone down.
Marge, I feel your pain. But don’t expect any help from Farmer John, not without a little pressure- get it? ha, ha! You’ve got to SUE. Everybody in this country SUES- why shouldn’t you? Look, it’s the only way you can make him pay, and pay plenty! Now, we’ve got a lawyer in our group who’ll be glad to discuss your case- her name is Lucyy, and she has a long track record of success in Women’s Rights cases. Give her a call anytime.