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The COUNTRY of Turkey is mediating between Israel and Syria, not me. Please stop asking for updates.
Chicago's foie gras ban was lifted. Look at the bright side, we can once again eat as much bird seed as we want!
The Democratic debate in North Carolina has been cancelled. How are we gonna know where the candidates stand on issues now?
Female pigeons in Hollywood are being given the birth control pill yet the city refuses to pay for condoms for male birds. It's sexism, I tell you!
My friends, let us all petition to abolish the DST nonsense. Let us, in replacement, put Nightlight Saving Time instead. The night is our friend.
That taste of yummy worms. Yum! All those yummy bugs too. And all that food that people threw in the compost.
The Svalbard Global Seed Vault just opened in Norway. Seeds stored from all over the world! There HAS to be a way in.
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